The holiday season, often filled with joy and celebration, can be an emotionally challenging time for those who have experienced the profound loss of a stillbirth. Well-intentioned words, though meant to provide comfort, can sometimes inadvertently deepen the pain. As we approach this season, it’s crucial to be mindful of our words and actions. Here are some things NOT to say to stillbirth moms during the holidays:
1. “At least you can try again next time.”
While the intention might be to offer hope, this phrase can minimize the gravity of the loss and overlook the unique bond between a parent and their lost child.
2. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This common saying can be hurtful as it implies a greater purpose behind the loss. Stillbirth moms may find solace in acknowledging their grief rather than searching for a reason.
3. “I know how you feel.”
Even if you’ve experienced loss, each person’s grief is unique. Avoid assuming you fully understand their emotions, and instead, offer a listening ear.
4. Silence or Avoidance
Ignoring the topic or avoiding conversations about the lost baby can make the stillbirth mom feel isolated. Acknowledging the loss and expressing condolences can be more supportive.
5. “It’s time to move on.”
Grieving is a personal journey with no set timeline. Encourage the stillbirth mom to express their feelings and offer your ongoing support.
6. Comparisons to Other Losses
Statements like “It’s not as bad as losing a living child” can invalidate the stillbirth mom’s pain. Each form of loss is unique and deserves acknowledgment.
7. Unsolicited Advice
While well-intentioned, advice on how to cope or ‘fix’ the situation may not be helpful. Simply being present and offering a listening ear can be more meaningful.
8. Offering Unrelated Positives
Statements like “Look on the bright side” or “Cheer up for the holidays” can oversimplify the complexities of grief. Allow the stillbirth mom to navigate their emotions at their own pace.
Navigating conversations with stillbirth moms during the holidays requires sensitivity and understanding. Instead of offering solutions, provide a supportive presence, acknowledging their grief and honoring the memory of their precious child.
In our online community, Lament2Love, we delve deeper into these conversations, offering insights on navigating grief and supporting one another. Join us as we build a space of understanding, compassion, and shared experiences. Together, we can make the holiday season a time of healing and connection.
Sending a big hug to you during the holidays. Aloha, Mamaste.