Telling a woman to “look on the bright side” or “be positive” after she has lost a baby is, in my experience and opinion, a form of psychological abuse.
Society often expects bereaved mothers to move on quickly and to suppress their grief to avoid making others uncomfortable. When we are told to “be positive” or “move on,” it feels like our grief is being minimized, and our love for our lost child is being invalidated.
There is no “bright side” of life after you’ve held your dead baby in your arms.
Should I be “positive” because I am alive, even though a part of me died?
This societal expectation is absolute bullshit.
We’re expected to rebound immediately, to carry on with life as if nothing happened.
But what about the life I carried? The body I grew and gave birth to? If she were here, as I had intended, life would be completely different.
Now, I have to wrap my mind around the reality that she’s not here. I’ve tried to go ‘back’ to life as before, with the mundane tasks that need to be done and work to make money. But nothing fulfills me and in the back of my mind, I always wonder what I would be doing if she were here.
Life is not the same, and I have to continually adapt, because who I was before I lost my daughter is not who I am today. In the process of grieving, I am discovering a new version of myself. This has affected my friendships as well, some of which I have lost. I do know, that I need to connect with other Women who’ve experienced stillbirth.
If you or someone you know is navigating the profound grief of losing a baby, consider joining our sisterhood. Our community offers a compassionate space where you can share your story, connect with others who understand, and find the support you need. Together, we honor our babies and our journeys of bereavement.
Aloha, Mamaste.