Do You Love Someone Grieving?

12 Years, RIP Dad

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It’s been 12 years since you died, and although the mourning of your absence has lessened with each passing year, I still miss you deeply. Sometimes it’s in the smallest moments, like hearing your favorite song on the radio or seeing an old Yankees cap, that I feel the weight of your absence most.

I wish you were here to watch your grandson grow.. To teach him how to play baseball, just like you taught me. You’d have him decked out in Yankees gear, and the two of you would sit together, watching the game, laughing at the same jokes. He is very athletic and smart, I know you’d be so proud of him.

More than anything, I wish you were here to hold me. To help me rebuild my life after the tremendous loss of your granddaughter. I long for your support, to feel I’m not alone in this tragedy and that I have shelter, safety and stability.

Everyone tells me, “you’re so strong,” because they’ve seen how resilient I’ve been since your death. I feel broken, beyond repair, as grief and PTSD have worn me down in ways I never expected.

I am reminded of the quote “Perhaps the breakdown is leading to a breakthrough” and I relate to that. I feel I’m a tiny seed, still buried in the darkness of the soil, but my shell is beginning to crack, and little roots are coming out, preparing to break through the surface.

In a way, I am grateful for my initiations of grief, for it is through my experience I am able to create and share, Lament2love. Although it does not make up for the absence of my Fathers physical presence, it does bring peace to know his spirit is near.

To all the Women whose Fathers have passed on, I understand and I am with you!

Aloha, Mamaste.

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